ADVICE FROM A FATHER

As a young man, you need not fear for the future,
The world is beautiful, and its yours for the taking.

Your twenty, and you need to get a job,
Your life needs order and you need to get off your ass.

There are too many girls who are single,
And you show no interest in the one with the best boobs.

Come on my boy, what’s this about not masturbating,
There’s nothing wrong with it…wait, the Catholic Church says its wrong…

Well, just be a man, enjoy your manhood, seize the world,
Take a girl out on the town, make money,

don’t piss off your mom, be nice or God will damn you,
stop spending too much time on those stories that will never make money,

learn to love everybody,
abide by the morals of society,

God wants us to kill homosexuals,
never talk back to your Dad,

smoking’s bad for you,
would you like a beer,

Listen to your parents,
Your mom’s a bitch

Life is good,
Work is hell,

Is my lecture boring you,
Or are my contradictions indicating I ought to shut up.”


And I look at my dad and smile, “YES!”